Friday, November 12, 2010

SPANK ALLEY ~ The Roller Derby Chronicles #2 . . . By Absolutely*Kate ... #Flash Fiction

JAMMERS DON'T STAMMER ~ Moving photo ala Gomisan

S P A N K   A L L E Y
~  The Roller Derby Chronicles ~
  { Part 2 ~ It's all about the Bout  }

~ By Absolutely*Kate 

{ Psssst:  Here's ~
setting the sexy sporty scene if you know what I mean }

~ ~ ~

"Spank Alley???!"

"Easy there Jimbo - It's where you go when you've been bad. They're not going to do anything to your girl, trust me."

"Well, it's just -- it sounded -- I mean -- "

"Yeah, yeah," Tony Farcosi calmed, "It sounds far more treacherous than it is, especially for a Derby Virgin, but -- "

"Wait just a New York minute there Farcosi! How do YOU think you know Betty the Beaut -- "

Tony cut off Jim Parker faster than a cannonball maneuver can catch the lip and rip off a good bad skater's momentum. "Jim - take a breath will ya? It's a game term, not a judgement call on your babe's sexuality. Geeez. It means a viewer's first game - in this case, obviously yours. Betty's sneaky moves got noticed and she's payin' her fair price. Don't worry. She'll be back. And no doubt in this bout no part of her firm fanny will be roughed up more than the shoves her jam-shakes are taking in booty blocks and hostile hip checks." Ruminating lower so that Jim couldn't hear over the the crowd-pleased raucous roar at Roller Derby rollickers taunting physicality in competitive sexy jive to their down-right dirty drive, "Though with Betty's propensity for track rash . . . "

Jim heaved one helluva heap of a sighhhhh. As a first-timer guy he was exasperated, excited and craning his neck farther than most male bodyparts can stretch their outer limits. "So, you think it shows? This being my first time an' all?"

"Uh, it may have crossed the minds of only the closest six rows behind us Yelper. No sweat, you're still under the radar."


Evidently ol'Jimbo could be obtuse and keen in simultaneous momentum. Tony chuckled when he was spared from what seemed his eighty-seventh explanation about tonight's bout. Buster Crumb, three rows back, picked up with booming ease, the relative slack of the smack: 

"Sit down and shutup Slicker. Hot shit hoity the toity Beaut gets that red streak dashing across her beauteous buttocks 'cause she lets us refined gents see what she's got showing 'neath that tangerine scrap she mimics as a skirt. Hurt? Why masonite burn city holds no pity for what that pain can do. But with a looker dame, hey - it's us lookers' gain!" 

Buster bleachered down to several rows' guffaws and good natured buddies' thumps whumped 'cross his backside as Jim jumped up with a fist itching for a hook. Tony, wishing not for the first time that he'd come in from the other entrance and missed Jim's viewing debut and could be sitting instead in the front suicide seats with an arched eagle eye for his gal pal Mad Mad Midge's blocks to help the stickiest of jams, had to put a stop to the local drugstore scion's thin skin where Betty the Beaut cracks were riling rampant as a rouse in the house. "LOOK JIM, LOOK! Beaut's striding the track now -- "

"Striding the track? She took her skates off in that dark alley? What's up with -- "

"ComeON Jim - just watch. You'll learn more that way."

"Yeah YeeHaw! Slam your damn yammer!", the other Crumb brother couldn't resist. "You're obstructing our view of the little lady jammer's fishnet burn!"

Jim's up and at'em stance got grasped and grounded more so by Tony's ulterior motive for sharing the rink corner seats with this loose cannon lothario than by the patience he had long ago lost to Jim Parker's misapprehension of the bout's dramas. "Jim, Jim, Jim --  that's the best way for Betty to reassert her wherewithal, to build back up to max speed. She skates around the banked track through her AlleyOops teammates with three strides on the straight-aways, two on the corners. Perfect power pathway to pass Poughkeepsie Peeps. Don'tcha think?"

"Hey Jimbo!", taunted one of the loose Crumbs, "Betty's wherewithal looks reeeeeeeal nice from up here!"

Tony's saving grace started as a sneer and a wink on his good-natured face back at the Crumb bums and then as a swift tug to Jim's jacket sleeve. "Yo - You ready to boost your banner Bucko? Boast your broad intentions to your star glamour jammer? At the speed Betty generated last lap, she's gonna be headed your way with all her mojo back and just might even look her looks your way. See? She's getting ahead of the pack. Damn," Tony low-whistled in open admiration, "sure doesn't take much for that filly to get everything shaking in all full momentum."

More eager than the youngest of all Cleavers, Jim leaned his head and shoulders down and pulled up his rolled up homemade banner in good-natured manner from under his seat. Oh man, this was gonna be sweet, and get him in good with Betty the Beaut -- not only a hot Roller Derby doll tonight, but tomorrow's sensational first date he couldn't wait to appreciate. He let his mind wander at the wonder of what could really come to be. "Hey Tony, she could really fall for a guy like me, right? I mean, I'm a contender."

The Crumbs hailed a retort-storm at that last crack and Tony bit back his own chortle. Now where was Midge? There, offensive as a Cha Cha Challenge can pull off. Outstanding. Solid. This she-sport was into real sport. Despite Parker's incessant interjections about the bout, he couldn't take his oglers off of what red ridged ruffles did for her usual jeans and sweatshirt buffer when she was hangin' down at the garage. One of the guys - yeahhh, right.

Too bad for Tony. His concentration totally missed the missile of determination launched from two tiny tough eyes that had been steeling his way from the short scrappy skater with the tight grin and the eerie mask of sequins. Lap after lap after lap. She was surging right behind Betty's pass past Midge's behind.

Jim elbowed only three buds' Budweisers and a silver bullet Coors in the course of angling his stance for the best siting of his shot at romance. He hurriedly promised the damp offended two more free rounds and kept at the task at hand, handing Tony the other end of their big unfurl. Oh boy, did he want to impress his girl.

~ ~ ~

There was plenty of clawing and swimming rushin' the thrill about tonight's Albany bout. Score was all tied. Fans were eatin' it up faster than the merch makes out at halftime. Gals on the rails were a regular blur. Satin, lycra, silks and tights. Our bitches were whippin' up a grand sight tonight. It's me again, Val Vixen, and as the poifect pivot I shoulda saw it all comin'. We were this close to our shiny W and making the semi's, honest.

It happened in the frig of a flash. Two guys upped themselves in the stands. A good deal of beer was wasted, splashed. The Crumb brothers were smashed . . . not that I really peered at their jeers, they just always are. You know. You know how it is. 

But I never knew how this biz started the Friday night when the AlleyOops hosted the Poughkeepsie Peeps. Jeepers creepers that new ringer's peepers -- what was that mangy momma's moniker? Oh yeah, Angie Anger. And boy oh boy, girl oh girl did she livid up to her name. Holy Stoners! Those fellers standin' in the stands unfurled this
wavy papery thang in the final round. They shook it up. They tossled it down. They yeehawed, yowled and did the wave. Now one of those guys musta gave her a rise -- I'm talkin' 'bout the Anger chick. She screeched higher than a Whiney Rhiney, "You dirty miserable prick!"   
Clothesline! Betty skids down by this not-happy clown. That's our own lead jammer! Holy Shit - she's never gonna make it with the Roller Dames if she screws with the team. Y'know what I mean? Mad Mad Midge is Solid. I mean she screens this scene. She's got a grip on what's goin' on as well as Anger's antics and her scrawny screechy neck too. Damn if she doesn't haul her ass over the rail. 
Shit. We 'bout had this bout in the bag.
We did.

We're gonna get spanked.

((((((((((((((( OH! )))))))))))))))))





Is Jim's grin all in chagrin?

Will Tony know true terror?

Is Betty a beaut or a bitch?

Will Midge's smidgeon
of solid track action
prove off a solid distraction?

And whatta bout
dem Crumb bums?

we're still wonderin' ~

Who had the noive to
punch Frothy Frannie in the eye,
and why'd she think
she could get by?

Will Laurel get hearty
at Danny LaRosa's
with the momma of Marty?

in stripes and stars
of helmet headed hoopla
and the pivot of risque crinoline, 
if you know what I mean



~ Absolutely*Kate,

fine friend to 
poised pivot Val Vixen,

knowledgeable of the 
well-followed reps of ~

Sweet Sugar Stilletto,
Zugular Pain Zelda, 
Jezabelle Ring Jeanette,
Cindy HotPants, 
Tina ToughNuts, 
Carrie the Creamer,
Pamila the Pain Dame
 and Bek the Wreck

What the heck ~ I hear things.
I write stuff.

Some stuff you gotta leave out though.
It's a woman thang.

How'bout this
AT THE BIJOU joint though?

Pretty swanky stuff, hunh?

See ya,
next Friday.

Til then,
"Crush what gets in your way,
and don't let'em see ya comin!"

~ Absolutely*Kate,

scrawlin' out


(c) 2010 ~ Author Absolutely*Kate
fearsome photo ala Dr Claw's Keeper

 {Psst ~ Just in case ya still need it - Here's:
setting the sexy sporty scene, if you know what I mean }


Harry said...

You left stuff out? ;)

Yet another forte you work like a charm. You rock the roller skates as well as the gumshoes.

I'm more "eager than the youngest of all Cleavers" awaiting the next installment!

Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

I knew you'd catch that one Wally.

Matthew S. Magda said...

Remarkable rendering of the skate spectators' swagger and posturin'. Makes one feel, hear and see the place. We all ready now to get our tickets to the next Roller Derby. I am. Nice work Kate.

Unknown said...

These tough broads RULE ...