Friday, April 8, 2011

WHERE I MET HER ~ By Absolutely*Kate of Harbinger*33 ~ a FlashFiction snazzy delight

RatPack break
to FlashFiction
with the Friday
flingers . . . 

By Absolutely*Kate 

Betty's Burlesque on Broad was the best. As a matter of fact, Betty's Burlesque brought in out-of-towners better than anybody's business. Pete down at the Pickadilly Pub loved the trickle-down crowds that Betty's packin' 'em in brought in to his jivey gin joint. Matter o'fact, it was while bumping gums at Pete's over a Pabst that Betty first introduced me to the ringer of a southern belle she brought up north. When she slipped me five over our Howd'ya do's, I knew this dame was one smooth patootie. 

Poughkeepsie never saw the likes like anything like Fanny Lights. I'm not talkin' off the cob -- that was her snazzy stage name, Keen-o huh? And Fanny was one hot tomato catchin' up her moniker to top the line-up and shine in all the best lights, lemme tell ya.

I was one of the new canary hoofers on the block when Fanny lit up Poughkeepsie. Hell, parts of Albany still regale funny Fanny tales. She flounced a bendover flourish to her finish that had the fellers stompin' their clodhoppers for encores when encores were over. I'm tellin' ya - ya had to see it to believe it, and you always remembered it after that. 

Luck o'the draw I got the makeup table next to hers. Me? I just had the basics of a rouge and Maybelline kit Ma worked up with a tube of Luscious Linger Revlon thrown in for pizazz, but Fanny? WhoooBoy! Did she come satin and gold stitched makeup bag loaded! There was dusting powder and glittery powder and a special perfumy soft white talcum she puffed on her bum. Said it made her twirl faster, just knowin' she was feelin' it there. And could Fanny twirl her fanny! WhoooBoy!

~ ~ ~
There was a signature song that did belong to how Sandusky Sammi's dance went along. Fifi Royale, who was the first muffin I met who knew brunos from the hoosegow, would twitch her hip gyrations to it too, then beam her cleavage practically downtown to the boys in the back row. That number was always worth a good hoot and holler gettin' a whole lot more than what a ticket for a dollar bought those days. The song was "Sugar in My Bowl", you know, the Bessie Smith version. Well Sammi gave the sweetest striptease you please to that one. Things weren't eggs in the coffee smooth no more though when Fanny got it in her noggin that showstoppering should be mainly her gig. "Lament", she wanted Gus in the little combo down front to really lay out. With a honey cooler to the smacker, she sweet-talked Gus to table "Sugar in My Bowl". As you can imagine, that kibosh arrangement was no happy place setting with Sammi. 

Sammi groused to hardboiled Mr Parkins, our stage-manager, but with four little big mouths to feed back home, he played it safe and snitched to Betty. Betty, fond of the folding green Fanny drew in, canned Sammi's showstopper. Damn, did that slam Sammi right in her silks and sequins. Most the times, Sammi was one swell lady, real high heels with no totters to 'em, but desperate times call for desperate measures so she listened with open affirms on her squirms to the trick that ol'Fifi thunked up. Itchin' powder. Yep, oooooooh boy, those dames stirred it right into that perfumy bum talc . . . 
Man oh man! Did Fanny Lights hit her mark and spark that night. I felt the room swayin' and the band playin' -- wait, sorry, that's just Satchmo on my mind, occupational habit, it happens all the time. Thing was, with all the twitchin' goin' on 'round all the twirling drivin' the crowds frenzy-crazy, Fanny caught the roving eye of a tall lanky looker in the front row. Tom somethin', it'll come to me later. The fella was an optometrist salesman takin' a load off his satchel toting for what pleasures an evening in Poughkeepsie could presumably offer.
To make a long story just a tad shorter, he sought the pleasures that Poughkeepsie's best at Betty's Burlesque had to offer. Hung out 'round back by the stage door and offered to make Fanny an offer down on bended knee that she couldn't refuse. Ya shoulda got a gander at how this guy's peepers spelled s-i-n-c-e-r-i-t-y. It was scrumpdiddlylicious and sooooo romantical. Could'ya guess? Fanny said "yes," and made tracks to catch the train to become Tom's first rate mate. Oh yeah, it's comin' to me now. Cheezum, that was the fine feller's last name.
~ ~ ~
I heard she's using a fancified version of her name now and scrawling stories into real page-turners from down South. Gee Whilikers, wonder if our paths will ever cross again, huh? Well, it's almost time for the show to go on again and I'll be darned if Katie May Storm isn't going to perform. Me? I'm like a tempest. I kept Fanny's glitter powder. I figgered if I use just a little right here 'neath the lacy stitchery balancing on my nipples I'd create my own sheen to the scene.
I'm no Fanny, 
but Betty said it woiks. 

Oh, and Sandusky Sammi is swingin' to "Sugar In My Bowl" for our Saturday night finales.

Every story has
its own sweet ending.

(c) 2011 ~ Author Absolutely*Kate,
believing in showstoppering AT THE BIJOU
PHOTO CREDITS: Alastair Middleton @pub;
Pascal Pino @Lingering Luscious & Mr Parkins;
John Sexton @"Sugar In My Bowl" choreography;
KT Bell @Fanny Lights and my own sweet ending.
HEY there!
 Catch my act over at Jeanette Cheezum's
'Cavalcadeofthestars' joint come next Tuesday.

Be sure to bring your clodhoppers, hear?

 ~ NOW ~

~ ~ ~ ~ ~




Sunday Matinees too.

Be there or be square.


"Dig it you cool cats!"

~ Absolutely*Kate
and our snazzy staff of renown


Harry said...

"Matter o'fact, it was while bumping gums at Pete's over a Pabst that Betty first introduced me to the ringer of a southern belle she brought up north." <Classic AK ratatatat-that!
and that's just a smidgen!

(Never knew Jay C had such a burly past)

Deanna said...

Dangit, I had a nice big long word all made up and the comment form messed up, (or my too-fast thumbs one).
Anywho, let's just say I Love this story Kate! Super-duper stuff!

Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

Harry and Deanna? Will you two swells come bump gums over a Pabst wit'me over at Pete's? Sure betcha some fun times will jump the gun! You guys are super, I tell'ya.

My grin, my thanks,
~ Absolutely*Kate

Kevin Michaels said...

Bumping that! Harry said it all for me - classic AK with a staccato rhythm and a way with words that had me smiling from beginning to end (and ear to ear).
Well done!

Steve Green said...

I am actually in awe of people capable of writing like this, off-the-wall humour that comes at you like machine-gun fire, it is absolutely riddled with great lines. Brilliant!

ratatouille's archives said...

Hi! Absolutely*Kate~
I read your post the other day and found it be a very interesting story about Poughkeepsie's Patootie Betty's Burlesque on Broad...

Thanks, for sharing...I must admit that I'am trying to "get into step" with your regular readers, in order to find out the daily routine here at The Bijou.

DeeDee ;-D

Author said...

Absolutely terrific, Kate! Stylish, sassy and very funny. Nice work!

Wendy said...

Oh how this did ring my bell, sing to my heart, and drop something in my bowl, MoxieMae!! It took me away as only a Calgon Gal can know.

Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

It appeals to me that bells went pealing in your touseled noggin, Ms sweet Sugar Mae. Somethin' in my gut told me you needed a pick-me-up to your spirit, so natch, the Saturday night showstoppering finale number was just for you. I was sure hoping you'd come in the back BIJOU door to check on the SugarShack candy counter.

And check on the MilkDuds supply, will ya? Those RatPackers really pack it away. ~ Absolutely*Katie, smilin' clean at the Calgon gal

Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

Steve Green ~ Welcome, welcome to the AT THE BIJOU scene. I'd be blushin' up a tempest if I wasn't adjustin' the spots and kliegs for Mr Bobby Darrin's Rat Pack stage appearance tomorrow. But my feet were tapping faster than Ms Scarlett's at the Auction Ball and I just had to dance out my Burlesque show remembrance 'bout Fanny Jeannette Cheezum.

I thank you most kindly with batted Maybelline lashes and a honey cooler to your cheek. Y'all come back now, heah? ~ Absolutely*Kate

Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

Julie, Julie, Julie ~ You've inspired me higher in the style and sass department since I made your acquaintance as a fellow moll over at Lefty's joint and we got untangled with that mob by showing each other the ropes.

Real nice pic there lady with a book bein' judged real nice by its cover. GONE BAD isn't it? ~ Absolutely*Kate

Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

Dee Dee of the Noir Nights ~
Yep, I've been noticing your pokin' 'round our AT THE BIJOU shadows. We've had some swingin' RatPack tales to regale ya with, haven't we?

AT THE BIJOU has shows on Tuesdays and Thursdays which slip into the next day when the #FridayFiction is Flashing . . . and of course a rockem sockem Weekend Matinee ~ Come back tomorrow for a surprise appearance by none other than show stopper crime writer kingpin MATT HILTON ... whoops, I just blew the surprise.

Love it when Mr Hitchcock's here and leavin' links to your trendy cinematic noir delight of a site.

~ Absolutely*Kate and our swanky staff of renown

Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

Well Mr LOST EXIT author ~ I've saved you for last in this pile'up of good graces from talented faces. To make YOURS grin clear 'cross is my kinda response to when the words jib jab jive at me to up and let 'em out ... I thank*you Kevin for your nice'ness here and your support all 'round WebTowne's writers'ville.

It's always a thrill.
~ Absolutely*Kate

KjM said...

Where, of where to start? And where to end?

A rattling great story, *Kate. "Sugar in my Bowl" is a favorite of mine - and I now have images to go with it that Momma never let me know about.

A fine tale of under...hand doings and sweet revenge, with happy ever after for all.

And all done with the style only you, *Kate, can deliver.

Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

Oh Mr Mackey, you Irish charmer ~ How it beguiles my wiles to know you've listened to "Sugar In My Bowl" and can image a slow striptease to please now. Shhh, we won't tell Mama.

As usual, reading you reading me is such a *delight* as you 'get it' and the words dance on. Thank*you Kevin!

~ Absolutely*Kate, likin' your puns

D. Paul said...

Kate - Wonderful, wonderful words. A simple story told with delightful crafting. You have a great sense of rhythm and timing.

Well done!

Matthew S. Magda said...

Brilliant to have the dancin' lights of Fanny be told by her admiring dancin' sister. That enabled you to be sassy with pizzaz in a dancin' rhythm. The images and sounds were all 42nd Street with a touch of the Ritz.

Sure, optometrists have good eyes and this eye doc eyed a Fanny he could not refuse and got her to say aye aye, Doc. Made us all want to be there. What fun! Sweet work Kate.