Hi Kate,
Here is a MayDay, MayDay offering for AT THE BIJOU.
I submitted this to The Verb and was a semi-finalist in their Dynamic Dialogue contest.
- JC
Hot Rods and Bobbie Socks
~ By Jeanette Cheezum
“Morning, Jake, I got the new carburetor.”
“Ya gonna expect me to put it in that Chevy today?”
“That’s the idea.”
“Put twenty-five dollars on the counter and I’ll fit you in.”
“Don’t forget the race is this Saturday night at nine.”
“You picked the right time -- the coppers will be busy with the big game and the sock hop afterwards. You know . . . I got money on you.”
“Yeah, I just handed it to you.”
“Just make sure you win.”
“I have no intention of letting Bobby Daniels beat me. He’ll look stupid when I leave him in the dust.”
“Who’s waving the flag? Is it that pretty girl you brought in here last time? I sure did like them short-shorts. Her legs go all the way up to her — .”
“Don’t be talking like that about the girl I’m gonna marry someday.”
“Was you the first?”
“If I didn’t need you to work on my car, I’d knock you on your ass old man.”
“I know this . . . I ain’t stupid.”
“When you want me back here?”
“Tomorrow, so I won’t have to see your cocky ass around here for a while.”
“Later, Gator.”
######
“I thought you’d never get here. It’s late.
“I’m here now -- come on Baby -- sit over here close to me.”
“Just make sure that idiot, Bobby, hasn’t had anything to drink.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem, if he wants to win.”
“I got plans for you, if I win this race.”
“Oh . . . .”
“If I win this one it’ll pay for your engagement ring.”
“Who said I’d marry — you?”
“You will, you know I’m the man for you.”
“Are you gonna enroll at Old Dominion?”
“I reckon, if that’s what I gotta do.”
“Stop teasing me, you big oaf!”
“Ouuuueeeeeee Baby, do you see all those hot-rods?”
“Between their beauty and all the noise . . . how could I miss them?”
“Give me another kiss, Baby. Now you better get out there.”
“Good luck and remember don’t accelerate before I wave the flag.”
“Don’t worry — I’ll see ya at the finish line.”
######
“On your mark get ready, set, go --”
“Get on your own side of the road -- you stupid, son-of-a-bitch. Can’t you see her?”
“Get over --.”
“Oh, God, no —.”
“It’s too late, man!
“Get out of my way —.”
“You don’t need to see her -- like this . . . she is . . . Bobby ran over her.”
The End
( I'll say! )
( I'll say! )
(c) 2010 ~ Author Jeanette Cheezum
~ The Phantom
Oh! Oh that Jeanette! Who would've seen her finish line swerve out that way? "Hearty Congrats" Kate would have me absolutely say for this piece finishing up in such a Dynamic Dialogue way!
~ The Phantom
AT THE BIJOU
in the know
urging you all to
follow the races further
follow the races further
into our next great show!
7 comments:
great stuff cheezy! you shoulda won! zat you with the checkered flag?? smokin babe you is!
Thanks, Mikey.
Aw c'mon Jeanette. You didn't really tell the Mikey boy what he wanted to know -- so you ARE that gal in the pic you mailed me from FastTimes High, aren't you? And geeeez oh Cheezum do you give American Graffiti a crash ending. It sucks to be a BobbySoxer in your flag waving scenes.
( Decisively dialogued, dynamo dame )
~ Absolutely*Kate
I finally found that picture of me. One of my daughters had it. You're right it's perfect for the story. Unless I find the one with the poodle skirt.
Great dialogue all around, jeanette. Love the retro vibe...
you look beautiful in that pic cheezy! the story followed well...i liked the speed with which it flowed..the dialogues were perfect...i like the way you wrote it...there was no beating around the bush..enjoyed reading...
Cue Ricky Nelson(or Pearl Jam)"Oh where oh where can my baby be..." Great work fueling the fifties feelings Jeanette and not a bad job rockin' those pedal pushers either!
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