Tuesday, January 19, 2010

BACKSEAT DRIVER ~ By Michael J. Solender of Harbinger*33




Backseat Driver
By suave ~ Michael J. Solender


God, how he loved his new car. The smell. The engine. The slick sun roof. Since his divorce he was free to spend his money any way he wanted with nobody, namely his ex, bitching at him.

He was so excited at the dealer he didn’t take the time to listen and learn how to work the GPS. What could be so difficult? You flip it on, you put in an address and it tells you where to go.

There was something about the female voice on the GPS that creeped him out, though. It reminded him of his ex and the way she always ragged at him while he was driving.

Nothing he did was ever right. She had to navigate, tell him when to speed up, slow down, where to turn, stop and get gas. Each time he adjusted the GPS to the male voice, it switched back to “her” and her whiny, nasally drone.

The damn thing even had her name; Susan.

“This isn’t going to work, Susan.” he said at the red light, reaching over to shut her off.

Don’t you dare touch that,” she said in the bitchy tone he remembered all too well, “You better start listening to me now if you have any interest at all in getting where you’re going!”
(c) 2009, Author Michael J. Solender


 
So many of us know, flow and grow along with soul of Solender, where the best is always yet to be. With dash and dazzle, plus non-elusive razzamatazzle, he's host of the most, as Sir NOT'tingHam from his castle post at the famously infamous "NOT From Here, Are You?" site to cite. He's more, much more than that. A writer's friend, supportive to no end. A talent on his own destined rise, so varied in genre, a success of every potential guise. Yes, he's GOT NOT, along with a talented promoter-dame copywriter who likes to mention such.

Read Michael, need Michael, have him over and feed Michael ~ just don't believe his golf score and the links action tales of the ones which got away. Wait - wrong metaphor - ask him, though. He'll write you the way it rolls, where the grass is always greener.  

THANKS MJ for showcasing up AT THE BIJOU  your characteristic catching sigh in the wry with the lovely Jelena. I know she doesn't fill out Mongo Mike's shoes, but she wears heels that he can't fit into either . . . and she knows how to use them.

 ~ Absolutely*Kate and the staff renown, AT THE BIJOU

16 comments:

Laurita said...

I always hate those voice, they sound so damn smug. I think this guy has bigger problems though.

Written with the wit that is the Solender signature. I love these little pieces of yours.

Hazar Worth said...

There are always those metaphors that are going to outlast and outshine the county sheriff called 'sanity'... And like the great blues players understood, a good woman remains hard to find but a cursed woman you can't ever go without.....

Your poignant ironies Sol continues to teach such a valuable lesson. Great piece you were able to conceive.

Jelena said...

Ha! I mean - poor guy... ;)

Our Susan listens only to commands given in English (any British accent will do, even a fake one, but that's it. Nothing else!). She speaks very spooky Swedish in return. Poor hubby, he does not like scary stuff. Susan IS scary.

Michael Solender said...

yai talla ika Svensk...

Kim said...

You forgot the part where he takes a sledge hammer to his ex, errr I mean, GPS unit.

(The first thing I did was mute mine, just sayin')

Erin Cole said...

These are the pieces that make Michael so awesome—humor to die for, wicked, inventive, just grand man.

Harry said...

He better hope Susan hasn't become friendly with that chick from Onstar. She might just be haunting the cruise control and antilock brakes too!

Absolutely*Kate said...

Har? That'd be a se-squeal?

Jeanette Cheezum said...

Mikey, I'm rolling with laughter. Just your luck. You're never going to get away. Fun read.

Linda said...

You never fail to please... fun ditty. I'm thinking that GPS is possessed, though. Susan meets Damien?

Ryn Cricket said...

Michael the idea is brilliant--and yet scary. Man, that would suck. I've been thinking about this all day, and it still bothers me --I mean in a good way!

Madam Z said...

That's what he gets for putting the back seat driver in the front seat! Man, if I heard my ex's voice coming out of the GPS, I'd set the car on fire!

Bukowski's Basement said...

Good one, Michael...

I always wondered why celebs don't pimp out their voices to GM or Acura or wherever... Can you imagine hearing Sean Connery as your nav voice???

Absolutely*Kate said...

Could be tough on tight curves, Ant ~ being shaken, not stirred. (good point of purchase though)

Jelena said...

Tydligen inte /Apparently not/, Michael. ;)

But, that's a good start! I think that some time alone with our schizo Susan would do wonders for your Swedish. ;)

Kevin Michaels said...

Ha! Took me a little time to find this one Michael, but it was worth the wait. Well written with wit and some serious style!

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