Stay Just As You Are
~ By Harry B. Sanderford
It was coming clear to God that His booze-fueled midnight resolution to quit smoking, drinking, lose weight, and keep a more watchful eye on his cholesterol and sodium may have exceeded His actual resolve. He knew He wasn't getting any younger but it was only 10:30am and already he was chomping two packs of Trident and calculating angles that might justify His taking a wee hair of the dog. It'd been a hell of a party and He was slowly piecing together certain cloudy events that might just require his passing out apologies when He bit down hard and finally, truly understood that verse in "Ole Dan Tucker" about Dan dying "with a toothache in his heel." Howling oaths unblessed, the normally benevolent deity spat out a filling along with the glob of sugarless gum and when He was finally finished taking His own name in vain, He smote four out of five dentists with nary a thought and upon a moment's reflection, smote that contrary fifth one just for good measure. Later He would reconsider this reaction and think it perhaps a bit severe but for now it felt like old times and it was good. 'Happy New Year', He thought as He sparked a bluetip match to life with a thumbnail and set fire to his first cohiba of the new year.
(c) Harry B. Sanderford
Yes, that's the Harry we know and love and have told you about in earlier pieces he's brung round, AT THE BIJOU. I'm sure glad he's hung this mighty fine piece of peace here to catch the new winds of the new year just right . . . but catch the wave of this surfer-cowboy at a place many of us once met . . . seems almost a decade ago, doesn't it?
A writer-man for all seasons, Harry does "WINTER" @ Six Sentences.
~ Thanks so much Har . . .
Divine Reality sure harbingers well.
~ Absolutely*Kate
5 comments:
Oh Harry, what a great piece to kick off the New Year. Smiting dentists and taking His own name in vain...great fun!!!
TOOTH BE TOLD, your Happy New*Year's piece of peace sure comes up divine gold, Har.
Thanks so much for being the other half of a celestial Double*Feature to kick into high gear (or light up in puff o'smoke smote?) a bright new year o'cheer.
~ Absolutely*Kate and the fine staff of renown AT THE BIJOU
Smart, witty, and an unriveled knack for yarn-spinnin'...Harry, Stay Just As YOU Are, and I'll always have good stuff to read.
Here's to 2010 and divine cohibas! CLINK!
Hot dog on Sam's hill- 10:30 am and chomping two packs of trident? Your wit behooves me big bro. Nice write. ;) Peach pie for you.
Happy New years!
I knew it. God's a dude like the rest of us. I'd like to respectfully request that He smite the lawyers instead of the dentists. Can He unsmite? Sure he can... Anyway, smite the lawyers and the insurance folk. It's not too much to handle right? Smite to the left and smite to the right. Smite on big man!
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