Friday, November 5, 2010

GREAT SKATES ALIVE! {The Roller Derby Chronicles} ~ By Absolutely*Kate of Harbinger*33 / #Flash Fiction

GET OFF MY BUTT, BITCH  ~ photo ala buggs
( The Roller Derby Chronicles )

~ By Absolutely*Kate

Betty was pretty in a curvy blonde, silk scarves, pearls and perfume way. Midge was not so lucky or so comely. Midge bulged where Betty tucked. Midge was rough around all the wrong edges. She smoked Luckies, she drank Coronas and she shot the shit with the boys down at Tony's. (Even though she came across as one of the guys, Tony was a bit sweet on Midge -- but he wasn't tellin' anyone so that his tough little wife Angela never had to know what might hurt her . . . or him.)

Betty and Midge lived in different parts of town, even the other side of the tracks if you want to get exact. The B&O was heard at 10 and 2 and 6 and 10 again not too far from Midge's shabby-chic bedroom window. Shrubbery along swanky shady streets with well-tended petunia and begonia beds sidelined Betty's frequent walks uptown to Parker's Drug where she upgraded lipstick and nail polish hues and beamed her toothy "How d'ya do's?". (Jim Parker, Mr Parker the proprietor's son, really fancied Betty. He wasn't afraid to tell her so either. They had a first dinner date coming up Saturday evening. Jim had saved up plenty from working overtime and weekends in his Pop's store and wanted to impress Betty with T-bones at the Brown Derby.)

But before Saturday comes a'calling, Friday takes the stage. The Roller Derby stage to be most exact. Betty the Beaut and Mad Mad Midge both knew how to skate with speed, dexterity and a glint in their eyes overshadowed only by the shoves in their stats level. They were good. Yep, they were so bad, they were way good. (Both Tony Farcosi and Jim Parker had tickets for this Friday night. The Albany AlleyOops were hosting the Poughkeepsie Peeps. Oh boy, oh girls, was this going to be something!)

~ ~ ~

"Hey! Tony!"

"Yo Jimbo. Man, I didn't know you got into this kinda action."

"My babe's out there tonight Tony. Yessiree T, I got me a date with Betty the Beaut! Me, Jim Parker, boy wonder of South Bloominghart, just a stone's throw away from the NY Thruway to big city happenings in Albany."
"Don't go poppin' shirt buttons and getting your Wranglers all dithered up yet Jim. Show ain't even started. Gonna be a lotta competition ogling pretty Betty tonight."

"Well hell's belles, I thought of that ahead of time Tony. I brought along a little something to get her attention angling near where I'm sitting at the turn. Something to maybe heat up her affections on the win-side, my way."

"Geeeez Jim. They jam and bash so fast how's she gonna take her concentration off her speed and protectiveness? They've gotta focus frenzy into every taunt they got, turn terror into style, spit venom and yet still smile. Those girls mean serious injuries to each other if they spot or even smell an easy mark not puttin' the hocus into her well-honed focus. The way they figger, bump one more off and it's smoother skating for them."

"Uh - oh -- ," mumbled Jim dejectedly, pulling out from under his jacket hung on his arm a long rolled-up paper tube. "So you don't think this is gonna work at all then?"

Now Tony was no stranger to how a fellow's breathing added in another heartbeat, or two, or sometimes three beneath the shirt he was sporting when the right kind of gal with the right kind of pizazz sassed her rather saucy ass across his attention span. That feeling was legendary -- it put the test into testosterone, the G for "guy" into G-force. It could rocket male volts to atmospheric proportions. He knew. Oh yeah, he knew. Feeling he'd thrown too mighty a pan of cold water over the young lover's dream-scheme, Tony ambled an aimiable arm around the younger fellow's drooping shoulder and whispered conspiratorily, "Aaaa - I was just givin' you a hard time Jimbo - whatchoo got there? Show me man, c'mon, show me."

Jim regained spark to eye and his noddin' noggin shot sky high. Remarkable. Akin to a lightening bolt. This boy Jim was all in. The recharged sizzle of the grin of Jim held the kind of amps that conjured Don Juan champs. He thumbed-up Tony, then, grin still intensive handed over one end of his prized paper roll and moved a few steps back, a few more, until his moving masterpiece was all stretched out.

BABY YOU'RE THE BEST OF ALL THE REST!  was proudly displayed in all its red and black El Marko glory. Out of the corner of his eye, Tony caught a few folks in the line behind them jostling to read the homemade banner. He turned and noticed a number of ladies elbowing their mates in that why-didn't-you-ever-do-something-like-that-for-me? way. Though not having the same ample social opportunities Jim Parker did, Tony was no slouch in the quick-thinking department. 

"Saaaaaay, that's a mighty long sign once you stretch it out -- "

"Whut? You think "OF ALL THE REST!" was too over the top? I was wonderin' on that - so maybe I should rip that part off, hunh?"

"No. NO Jim - don't!" Quickly jutting out one of his big paws to pause what Jim's determined impetuousity was tearing into, Tony interjected a suave solution that could potentially hold up a little potential his way too. "Let ME hold one end and you the other. See? Like this? We can raise and lower your sign and even dip and ripple it and let it swing you more attention when the girls round their turns."

"Oh. yeah. Sure, I see." Shooting his free hand straight out, he pumped the hand and gladhanded the guy he knew from down the garage. Tony wasn't lookin' like any grease monkey tonight, that was sure for sure. And he kinda smelled like Aqua Velva, a little too much in the splash department, but what a swell guy for offering to help him out.

~ ~ ~

Backstage Midge was mid-stage into her MadMad world personna. One brushstroke more of jaggedy warpaint to accent fear into the greased creased edginess of her dark eyes and she knew she'd be gunning for some funning, cruising for some bruisings. Meanwhile, Betty the Beaut was pancaking white powder drama all over the place of her mirrored perky face. When she reached for her rouge and found it not there, the mirror showed it to her ~ Where? -- In another's hand smack-dabbing at the next table. The noive! Well, she certainly gave that new girl quite a haughty stare. 
The haughty stare didn't really hold when rude was applying rouge as fresh as attitude: "What's your beef Beaut? Your Ma teach you not to share makeuppy stuff before a show goes on or what? I thought you girls all got along behind the scenes and made your angers strut their stuff on the roller floor."
Betty just stared.
"Alright, alright already. You wanta be bitchy about it Beaut, take the crappin' rouge. Tawny Titallation ain't my scene anyway. I'm more a full force you-see-what-you-get girl, in the pink."
Betty just stared. Midge kinda muffled a mutter, but Betty just stared.
"Leave her alone Angie," hissed the hulking brunette one more table down. "Don't go causin' no trouble now. I got you this fill-in spot tonight as a tryout. Don't blow it little Cuz. That hoity toity is one of the bosses' faves. BoxOffice Betty we call her up front as well as behind her back, 'cause who cares what ups the gate? We all get part of the take now that the sports network union moved in."
Betty still stared. Angie teased her hair into a top tuffle, tied it taut with a gingham ruffle and let some AquaNet spray spritz accidentally Ms PrimaBetty's way. Smackin' two pieces of Juicy Fruit as loud as they could smack, she sidemouthed back, "All right already Francesca, I got it, I got it."
"Yeah babe. But you don't got a Roller Girl name yet and here comes old Eddie with the caller's chart. Hurry cousin think! Don't go out on a limb lame."

"Mad Mad Midge? Check.  Betty the Beaut? Hey, how'ya doin' dollface? Check.  Frothy Frannie? Lookin' good babe. The shiner is healin', hunh? Check.  Migraine Muck Marge? Check.  Lethal Laurel? Lethal? Laurel??"
"Uh Eddie ~ she gotta go meet a new possible mother-in-law again tonight. Big digs at Danny LaRosa's. She asked me if I knew a ringer to fill in. I did Eddie, I did. So, meet your ringer - Angie Anger. And Ed, she's been around more than the ring."
Eddie looked over the mangy mane primping at Frannie's side. Short, but tough, definitely tough. A W was all he cared about tonight. All they all cared about. A Win, no matter how it scared or scored, that was always enough. Still, he kept his manner gruff, "Experience?"
Angela Farcosi, housewife and madre by day, gulped back the giggle which almost gurgled at her quick-thinking cousin's swift dubbing of her new mean moniker, but was ready as coached: "Dirty Water Rollers, Sweaty Sisters, Camel City Thrashers."
Eddie nodded affirmatively as some of the other gals hummed enviously. He just kept movin' down the line of things that went squirt and shine. "Check."
"Anger is it?", Betty, final powdery puff pressing her puss in place, still stared but extended a well manicured hand. After all, she had grace.
That's when it happened.
Angie saw a power move when she heard all the ruckus of it getting thunk up in her head. She needed to alpha in front of these other bitches to keep her in stead. She spit on Betty the Beaut's palm. She did. I saw it. I'm Val Vixen and I'm tellin' this story like I seen it and heard it. And we all heard what you'd best call a collective gasp. And a pot of questionably colored rouge go crash. C'mon we're on though. I'll talk at ya later.

"AlleyOops! We're UP! Girls! C'mon - we gotta rrrrrrrrroll!"

((((((((((((((( OH! )))))))))))))))))





Does Jim keep his grin?

Will Tony know true terror?

Is Betty a beaut or a bitch?

Does Midge have a smidgeon
of knowing what's goin' on
and comin' down?


Who punched Frannie in the eye,
and why'd she think
she could get away with it?

Will Laurel get hearty
at Danny LaRosa's
with the momma of Marty?

in stripes and stars
of helmet headed hoopla
and the pivot of risque crinoline, 
if you know what I mean



~ Absolutely*Kate,

fine friend to 
teammate Val Vixen,

knowledgeable of the 
well-followed reps of ~

Sweet Sugar Stilletto,
Zugular Pain Zelda, 
Jezabelle Ring Jeanette,
Cindy HotPants, 
Tina ToughNuts, 
Carrie the Creamer,
Pamila the Pain Dame
 and Bek the Wreck

What the heck ~ I hear things.
I write stuff.

Some stuff you gotta leave out though.
It's a woman thang.

How'bout this
AT THE BIJOU joint though?

Pretty swanky stuff, hunh?

See ya,
next Friday.

Til then,
"Crush what gets in your way,
and don't let'em see ya comin!"

~ Absolutely*Kate,

scrawlin' out


(c) 2010 ~ Author Absolutely*Kate
fearsome photo ala Dr Claw's Keeper


Anonymous said...

Oh, nice! Don't even know if I've read a flash about roller derby before :)

Harry said...

Your Roller Derby Chronicles are the rockin' rollin'-est! You twist and weave words so well:
"They've gotta focus frenzy into every taunt they got, turn terror into style, spit venom and yet still smile." < and that's just an itty bitty bit. Roll on!

Matthew S. Magda said...

This captures the precise style and excitement of roller derby that I remember when I saw the Bay Area Bombers weekly on television. The telling of this roller tale is better though than what was on the telly. Funny, how words can evoke the essence, beauty, grace, thrill, roughness and gruffness, and sheer longing of a slice of life with far more depth, understanding and pleasure than those pale broadcasts could ever hope to do.

A rollin' joy to read.

Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

ESTRELLA, you star of blue ~ Thanks and how great to see you again AT THE BIJOU.

HARRY, you chronicle the RD CHRONICLES so darn swell! To twist and roll and rock and weave to a veteran yarner is one of my biggest smiles. I encourage you to itty your bitty every bit you want.

~ Absolutely*Kate

Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

So MATTHEW ~ I picture this gawky kid sittin' on the floor in front of the old black & white RCA, breathless with fast action swish, swish, swissssshing by. To catch your eye with how my set up was setting up to *evoke* before I churned into full rink action ... just made my Saturday mornin' coffee even more robust.

In a Sally Fields voice, I gladly chirp, "He got it! He got it!" My thanks, good sir, my thanks. ~ Absolutely*Kate

Marisa Birns said...

Yep, your words set everything up real nice, just like the start of jam formation.

Can't wait for the next part, when your words blow the whistle letting the jammers know to take off, and play begins in earnest with a jam!


Kate Pilarcik ~ absolutely said...

Well BLOOD & THUNDER Ms Mighty Marisa ~ You sure know the jam is gonna spread. Could be a Cha Cha Challenge with all the clawing and swimming that's gonna be going on.

"PACK EM UP" ... (and Thanks!)
~ Absolutely*Kate

Paul D Brazill said...

Well, that's a clever and well written story, i must say. Good on yer!

A. S. Boudreau said...

very exciting to read. I would love to experience a live roller derby... saw the movie Whip It recently and I'm hooked. This was just fabulous.

Anonymous said...

HAHA Ya haven't lost your writting spirit. Just loved all the zaney names and swift moves. (Jezabelle Ring Jeanette) I can't keep any secrets. Now I want to dig out the old skates.

Unknown said...

I love love love a Roller Derby tale... And yup, you have a knack for those names, Kate!

Kath said...

Can't wait for the next installment- loved this! The names, the build-up before the match, the characters are all ace.

John Wiswell said...

It's clear you had a lot of fun with this. Your exuberance is unique in any of the flashes I read, Kate.