SPANK ALLEY ~ The Roller Derby Chronicles #2 . . . By Absolutely*Kate ... #Flash Fiction

JAMMERS DON'T STAMMER ~ Moving photo ala Gomisan

S P A N K   A L L E Y

~  The Roller Derby Chronicles ~

  { Part 2 ~ It's all about the Bout  }

~ By Absolutely*Kate 

{ Psssst:  Here's ~

Part 1 ~ GREAT SKATES ALIVE!, 

setting the sexy sporty scene if you know what I mean }

~ ~ ~

"Spank Alley???!"

"Easy there Jimbo - It's where you go when you've been bad. They're not going to do anything to your girl, trust me."

"Well, it's just -- it sounded -- I mean -- "

"Yeah, yeah," Tony Farcosi calmed, "It sounds far more treacherous than it is, especially for a Derby Virgin, but -- "

"Wait just a New York minute there Farcosi! How do YOU think you know Betty the Beaut -- "

Tony cut off Jim Parker faster than a cannonball maneuver can catch the lip and rip off a good bad skater's momentum. "Jim - take a breath will ya? It's a game term, not a judgement call on your babe's sexuality. Geeez. It means a viewer's first game - in this case, obviously yours. Betty's sneaky moves got noticed and she's payin' her fair price. Don't worry. She'll be back. And no doubt in this bout no part of her firm fanny will be roughed up more than the shoves her jam-shakes are taking in booty blocks and hostile hip checks." Ruminating lower so that Jim couldn't hear over the the crowd-pleased raucous roar at Roller Derby rollickers taunting physicality in competitive sexy jive to their down-right dirty drive, "Though with Betty's propensity for track rash . . . "

Jim heaved one helluva heap of a sighhhhh. As a first-timer guy he was exasperated, excited and craning his neck farther than most male bodyparts can stretch their outer limits. "So, you think it shows? This being my first time an' all?"

"Uh, it may have crossed the minds of only the closest six rows behind us Yelper. No sweat, you're still under the radar."

"WAIT! TRACK RASH?! What's THAT??!?

Evidently ol'Jimbo could be obtuse and keen in simultaneous momentum. Tony chuckled when he was spared from what seemed his eighty-seventh explanation about tonight's bout. Buster Crumb, three rows back, picked up with booming ease, the relative slack of the smack: 

"Sit down and shutup Slicker. Hot shit hoity the toity Beaut gets that red streak dashing across her beauteous buttocks 'cause she lets us refined gents see what she's got showing 'neath that tangerine scrap she mimics as a skirt. Hurt? Why masonite burn city holds no pity for what that pain can do. But with a looker dame, hey - it's us lookers' gain!" 

Buster bleachered down to several rows' guffaws and good natured buddies' thumps whumped 'cross his backside as Jim jumped up with a fist itching for a hook. Tony, wishing not for the first time that he'd come in from the other entrance and missed Jim's viewing debut and could be sitting instead in the front suicide seats with an arched eagle eye for his gal pal Mad Mad Midge's blocks to help the stickiest of jams, had to put a stop to the local drugstore scion's thin skin where Betty the Beaut cracks were riling rampant as a rouse in the house. "LOOK JIM, LOOK! Beaut's striding the track now -- "

"Striding the track? She took her skates off in that dark alley? What's up with -- "

"ComeON Jim - just watch. You'll learn more that way."

"Yeah YeeHaw! Slam your damn yammer!", the other Crumb brother couldn't resist. "You're obstructing our view of the little lady jammer's fishnet burn!"

Jim's up and at'em stance got grasped and grounded more so by Tony's ulterior motive for sharing the rink corner seats with this loose cannon lothario than by the patience he had long ago lost to Jim Parker's misapprehension of the bout's dramas. "Jim, Jim, Jim --  that's the best way for Betty to reassert her wherewithal, to build back up to max speed. She skates around the banked track through her AlleyOops teammates with three strides on the straight-aways, two on the corners. Perfect power pathway to pass Poughkeepsie Peeps. Don'tcha think?"

"Hey Jimbo!", taunted one of the loose Crumbs, "Betty's wherewithal looks reeeeeeeal nice from up here!"

Tony's saving grace started as a sneer and a wink on his good-natured face back at the Crumb bums and then as a swift tug to Jim's jacket sleeve. "Yo - You ready to boost your banner Bucko? Boast your broad intentions to your star glamour jammer? At the speed Betty generated last lap, she's gonna be headed your way with all her mojo back and just might even look her looks your way. See? She's getting ahead of the pack. Damn," Tony low-whistled in open admiration, "sure doesn't take much for that filly to get everything shaking in all full momentum."

More eager than the youngest of all Cleavers, Jim leaned his head and shoulders down and pulled up his rolled up homemade banner in good-natured manner from under his seat. Oh man, this was gonna be sweet, and get him in good with Betty the Beaut -- not only a hot Roller Derby doll tonight, but tomorrow's sensational first date he couldn't wait to appreciate. He let his mind wander at the wonder of what could really come to be. "Hey Tony, she could really fall for a guy like me, right? I mean, I'm a contender."

The Crumbs hailed a retort-storm at that last crack and Tony bit back his own chortle. Now where was Midge? There, offensive as a Cha Cha Challenge can pull off. Outstanding. Solid. This she-sport was into real sport. Despite Parker's incessant interjections about the bout, he couldn't take his oglers off of what red ridged ruffles did for her usual jeans and sweatshirt buffer when she was hangin' down at the garage. One of the guys - yeahhh, right.

Too bad for Tony. His concentration totally missed the missile of determination launched from two tiny tough eyes that had been steeling his way from the short scrappy skater with the tight grin and the eerie mask of sequins. Lap after lap after lap. She was surging right behind Betty's pass past Midge's behind.

Jim elbowed only three buds' Budweisers and a silver bullet Coors in the course of angling his stance for the best siting of his shot at romance. He hurriedly promised the damp offended two more free rounds and kept at the task at hand, handing Tony the other end of their big unfurl. Oh boy, did he want to impress his girl.

~ ~ ~

There was plenty of clawing and swimming rushin' the thrill about tonight's Albany bout. Score was all tied. Fans were eatin' it up faster than the merch makes out at halftime. Gals on the rails were a regular blur. Satin, lycra, silks and tights. Our bitches were whippin' up a grand sight tonight. It's me again, Val Vixen, and as the poifect pivot I shoulda saw it all comin'. We were this close to our shiny W and making the semi's, honest.

It happened in the frig of a flash. Two guys upped themselves in the stands. A good deal of beer was wasted, splashed. The Crumb brothers were smashed . . . not that I really peered at their jeers, they just always are. You know. You know how it is. 

But I never knew how this biz started the Friday night when the AlleyOops hosted the Poughkeepsie Peeps. Jeepers creepers that new ringer's peepers -- what was that mangy momma's moniker? Oh yeah, Angie Anger. And boy oh boy, girl oh girl did she livid up to her name. Holy Stoners! Those fellers standin' in the stands unfurled this

BABY YOU'RE THE BEST OF ALL THE REST! 

wavy papery thang in the final round. They shook it up. They tossled it down. They yeehawed, yowled and did the wave. Now one of those guys musta gave her a rise -- I'm talkin' 'bout the Anger chick. She screeched higher than a Whiney Rhiney, "You dirty miserable prick!"   

 
Clothesline! Betty skids down by this not-happy clown. That's our own lead jammer! Holy Shit - she's never gonna make it with the Roller Dames if she screws with the team. Y'know what I mean? Mad Mad Midge is Solid. I mean she screens this scene. She's got a grip on what's goin' on as well as Anger's antics and her scrawny screechy neck too. Damn if she doesn't haul her ass over the rail. 

  
Shit. We 'bout had this bout in the bag.

We did.

We're gonna get spanked.

((((((((((((((( OH! )))))))))))))))))

THE BOUT WAS ABOUT

TO BE WON

BUT WHOSE 

COMEUPPANCE

IS GONNA COME UP?

JOIN US IN NEXT FRIDAY'S

FRENETIC FRENZY

WHEN WE DISCOVER ~

Is Jim's grin all in chagrin?

Will Tony know true terror?

Is Betty a beaut or a bitch?

Will Midge's smidgeon

of solid track action

prove off a solid distraction?

And whatta bout

dem Crumb bums?

Meanwhile,

we're still wonderin' ~

{see Roller Derby Chronicles Part 1}

Who had the noive to

punch Frothy Frannie in the eye,

and why'd she think

she could get by?

Will Laurel get hearty

at Danny LaRosa's

with the momma of Marty?

ALL THIS

in stripes and stars

of helmet headed hoopla

and the pivot of risque crinoline, 

if you know what I mean

NEXT WEEK

JUST GET RRRRREADY

TO WHIP IT UP

and RRRRRRRRUMBLE!

~ Absolutely*Kate,

fine friend to 

poised pivot Val Vixen,

knowledgeable of the 

well-followed reps of ~

Sweet Sugar Stilletto,

Zugular Pain Zelda, 

Jezabelle Ring Jeanette,

Cindy HotPants, 

Tina ToughNuts, 

Carrie the Creamer,

Pamila the Pain Dame

 and Bek the Wreck

What the heck ~ I hear things.

I write stuff.

Some stuff you gotta leave out though.

It's a woman thang.

How'bout this

AT THE BIJOU joint though?

Pretty swanky stuff, hunh?

See ya,

next Friday.

Til then,

"Crush what gets in your way,

and don't let'em see ya comin!"

~ Absolutely*Kate,

scrawlin' out

THE 

ROLLER DERBY

CHRONICLES

(c) 2010 ~ Author Absolutely*Kate

fearsome photo ala Dr Claw's Keeper

 {Psst ~ Just in case ya still need it - Here's:

Part 1 ~ GREAT SKATES ALIVE!, 

setting the sexy sporty scene, if you know what I mean }

GREAT SKATES ALIVE! {The Roller Derby Chronicles} ~ By Absolutely*Kate of Harbinger*33 / #Flash Fiction

GET OFF MY BUTT, BITCH  ~ photo ala buggs

GREAT SKATES ALIVE!

( The Roller Derby Chronicles )

~ By Absolutely*Kate

Betty was pretty in a curvy blonde, silk scarves, pearls and perfume way. Midge was not so lucky or so comely. Midge bulged where Betty tucked. Midge was rough around all the wrong edges. She smoked Luckies, she drank Coronas and she shot the shit with the boys down at Tony's. (Even though she came across as one of the guys, Tony was a bit sweet on Midge -- but he wasn't tellin' anyone so that his tough little wife Angela never had to know what might hurt her . . . or him.)

Betty and Midge lived in different parts of town, even the other side of the tracks if you want to get exact. The B&O was heard at 10 and 2 and 6 and 10 again not too far from Midge's shabby-chic bedroom window. Shrubbery along swanky shady streets with well-tended petunia and begonia beds sidelined Betty's frequent walks uptown to Parker's Drug where she upgraded lipstick and nail polish hues and beamed her toothy "How d'ya do's?". (Jim Parker, Mr Parker the proprietor's son, really fancied Betty. He wasn't afraid to tell her so either. They had a first dinner date coming up Saturday evening. Jim had saved up plenty from working overtime and weekends in his Pop's store and wanted to impress Betty with T-bones at the Brown Derby.)


But before Saturday comes a'calling, Friday takes the stage. The Roller Derby stage to be most exact. Betty the Beaut and Mad Mad Midge both knew how to skate with speed, dexterity and a glint in their eyes overshadowed only by the shoves in their stats level. They were good. Yep, they were so bad, they were way good. (Both Tony Farcosi and Jim Parker had tickets for this Friday night. The Albany AlleyOops were hosting the Poughkeepsie Peeps. Oh boy, oh girls, was this going to be something!)

~ ~ ~

"Hey! Tony!"

"Yo Jimbo. Man, I didn't know you got into this kinda action."

"My babe's out there tonight Tony. Yessiree T, I got me a date with Betty the Beaut! Me, Jim Parker, boy wonder of South Bloominghart, just a stone's throw away from the NY Thruway to big city happenings in Albany."
 
"Don't go poppin' shirt buttons and getting your Wranglers all dithered up yet Jim. Show ain't even started. Gonna be a lotta competition ogling pretty Betty tonight."

"Well hell's belles, I thought of that ahead of time Tony. I brought along a little something to get her attention angling near where I'm sitting at the turn. Something to maybe heat up her affections on the win-side, my way."

"Geeeez Jim. They jam and bash so fast how's she gonna take her concentration off her speed and protectiveness? They've gotta focus frenzy into every taunt they got, turn terror into style, spit venom and yet still smile. Those girls mean serious injuries to each other if they spot or even smell an easy mark not puttin' the hocus into her well-honed focus. The way they figger, bump one more off and it's smoother skating for them."

"Uh - oh -- ," mumbled Jim dejectedly, pulling out from under his jacket hung on his arm a long rolled-up paper tube. "So you don't think this is gonna work at all then?"

Now Tony was no stranger to how a fellow's breathing added in another heartbeat, or two, or sometimes three beneath the shirt he was sporting when the right kind of gal with the right kind of pizazz sassed her rather saucy ass across his attention span. That feeling was legendary -- it put the test into testosterone, the G for "guy" into G-force. It could rocket male volts to atmospheric proportions. He knew. Oh yeah, he knew. Feeling he'd thrown too mighty a pan of cold water over the young lover's dream-scheme, Tony ambled an aimiable arm around the younger fellow's drooping shoulder and whispered conspiratorily, "Aaaa - I was just givin' you a hard time Jimbo - whatchoo got there? Show me man, c'mon, show me."

Jim regained spark to eye and his noddin' noggin shot sky high. Remarkable. Akin to a lightening bolt. This boy Jim was all in. The recharged sizzle of the grin of Jim held the kind of amps that conjured Don Juan champs. He thumbed-up Tony, then, grin still intensive handed over one end of his prized paper roll and moved a few steps back, a few more, until his moving masterpiece was all stretched out.

BABY YOU'RE THE BEST OF ALL THE REST!  was proudly displayed in all its red and black El Marko glory. Out of the corner of his eye, Tony caught a few folks in the line behind them jostling to read the homemade banner. He turned and noticed a number of ladies elbowing their mates in that why-didn't-you-ever-do-something-like-that-for-me? way. Though not having the same ample social opportunities Jim Parker did, Tony was no slouch in the quick-thinking department. 

"Saaaaaay, that's a mighty long sign once you stretch it out -- "

"Whut? You think "OF ALL THE REST!" was too over the top? I was wonderin' on that - so maybe I should rip that part off, hunh?"

"No. NO Jim - don't!" Quickly jutting out one of his big paws to pause what Jim's determined impetuousity was tearing into, Tony interjected a suave solution that could potentially hold up a little potential his way too. "Let ME hold one end and you the other. See? Like this? We can raise and lower your sign and even dip and ripple it and let it swing you more attention when the girls round their turns."

"Oh. yeah. Sure, I see." Shooting his free hand straight out, he pumped the hand and gladhanded the guy he knew from down the garage. Tony wasn't lookin' like any grease monkey tonight, that was sure for sure. And he kinda smelled like Aqua Velva, a little too much in the splash department, but what a swell guy for offering to help him out.

~ ~ ~
 

Backstage Midge was mid-stage into her MadMad world personna. One brushstroke more of jaggedy warpaint to accent fear into the greased creased edginess of her dark eyes and she knew she'd be gunning for some funning, cruising for some bruisings. Meanwhile, Betty the Beaut was pancaking white powder drama all over the place of her mirrored perky face. When she reached for her rouge and found it not there, the mirror showed it to her ~ Where? -- In another's hand smack-dabbing at the next table. The noive! Well, she certainly gave that new girl quite a haughty stare. 
 
The haughty stare didn't really hold when rude was applying rouge as fresh as attitude: "What's your beef Beaut? Your Ma teach you not to share makeuppy stuff before a show goes on or what? I thought you girls all got along behind the scenes and made your angers strut their stuff on the roller floor."
 
Betty just stared.
 
"Alright, alright already. You wanta be bitchy about it Beaut, take the crappin' rouge. Tawny Titallation ain't my scene anyway. I'm more a full force you-see-what-you-get girl, in the pink."
 
Betty just stared. Midge kinda muffled a mutter, but Betty just stared.
 
"Leave her alone Angie," hissed the hulking brunette one more table down. "Don't go causin' no trouble now. I got you this fill-in spot tonight as a tryout. Don't blow it little Cuz. That hoity toity is one of the bosses' faves. BoxOffice Betty we call her up front as well as behind her back, 'cause who cares what ups the gate? We all get part of the take now that the sports network union moved in."
 
Betty still stared. Angie teased her hair into a top tuffle, tied it taut with a gingham ruffle and let some AquaNet spray spritz accidentally Ms PrimaBetty's way. Smackin' two pieces of Juicy Fruit as loud as they could smack, she sidemouthed back, "All right already Francesca, I got it, I got it."
 
"Yeah babe. But you don't got a Roller Girl name yet and here comes old Eddie with the caller's chart. Hurry cousin think! Don't go out on a limb lame."
  

"Mad Mad Midge? Check.  Betty the Beaut? Hey, how'ya doin' dollface? Check.  Frothy Frannie? Lookin' good babe. The shiner is healin', hunh? Check.  Migraine Muck Marge? Check.  Lethal Laurel? Lethal? Laurel??"
 
"Uh Eddie ~ she gotta go meet a new possible mother-in-law again tonight. Big digs at Danny LaRosa's. She asked me if I knew a ringer to fill in. I did Eddie, I did. So, meet your ringer - Angie Anger. And Ed, she's been around more than the ring."
 
Eddie looked over the mangy mane primping at Frannie's side. Short, but tough, definitely tough. A W was all he cared about tonight. All they all cared about. A Win, no matter how it scared or scored, that was always enough. Still, he kept his manner gruff, "Experience?"
 
Angela Farcosi, housewife and madre by day, gulped back the giggle which almost gurgled at her quick-thinking cousin's swift dubbing of her new mean moniker, but was ready as coached: "Dirty Water Rollers, Sweaty Sisters, Camel City Thrashers."
 
Eddie nodded affirmatively as some of the other gals hummed enviously. He just kept movin' down the line of things that went squirt and shine. "Check."
 
"Anger is it?", Betty, final powdery puff pressing her puss in place, still stared but extended a well manicured hand. After all, she had grace.
 
That's when it happened.
 
Angie saw a power move when she heard all the ruckus of it getting thunk up in her head. She needed to alpha in front of these other bitches to keep her in stead. She spit on Betty the Beaut's palm. She did. I saw it. I'm Val Vixen and I'm tellin' this story like I seen it and heard it. And we all heard what you'd best call a collective gasp. And a pot of questionably colored rouge go crash. C'mon we're on though. I'll talk at ya later.


"AlleyOops! We're UP! Girls! C'mon - we gotta rrrrrrrrroll!"

((((((((((((((( OH! )))))))))))))))))

THE JAMS

ARE ABOUT TO UNFOLD

THE BOOTY BLOCKS

AND HIP CHECKS

TO GET BOLD

JOIN US IN NEXT FRIDAY'S

FRENETIC FRENZY

WHEN WE DISCOVER ~

Does Jim keep his grin?

Will Tony know true terror?

Is Betty a beaut or a bitch?

Does Midge have a smidgeon

of knowing what's goin' on

and comin' down?

and

Who punched Frannie in the eye,

and why'd she think

she could get away with it?

Will Laurel get hearty

at Danny LaRosa's

with the momma of Marty?

ALL THIS

in stripes and stars

of helmet headed hoopla

and the pivot of risque crinoline, 

if you know what I mean

NEXT WEEK

JUST GET RRRRREADY

TO WHIP IT UP

and RRRRRRRRUMBLE!

~ Absolutely*Kate,

fine friend to 

teammate Val Vixen,

knowledgeable of the 

well-followed reps of ~

Sweet Sugar Stilletto,

Zugular Pain Zelda, 

Jezabelle Ring Jeanette,

Cindy HotPants, 

Tina ToughNuts, 

Carrie the Creamer,

Pamila the Pain Dame

 and Bek the Wreck

What the heck ~ I hear things.

I write stuff.

Some stuff you gotta leave out though.

It's a woman thang.

How'bout this

AT THE BIJOU joint though?

Pretty swanky stuff, hunh?

See ya,

next Friday.

Til then,

"Crush what gets in your way,

and don't let'em see ya comin!"

~ Absolutely*Kate,

scrawlin' out

THE 

ROLLER DERBY

CHRONICLES

(c) 2010 ~ Author Absolutely*Kate

fearsome photo ala Dr Claw's Keeper